Long Past Time for an Update

I haven't been able to bring myself to update this blog in .... well, almost a year! Funny how things work. I was really settling into being an "older" mom... or a mom of "older" kids anyway, helping friends with little ones, and basking in the realization that having kids all over the age of 5 really was kind of nice, when.....

In October, we found out we were expecting! What a shock... we just kind of assumed that after 6 years since our last baby, one miscarriage, and a decision that it was all ok, we were, well.... done.

Every time I've thought of coming here and updating, I've felt like I couldn't do it. This is such a private and honest blog, and coming here brings back feelings and memories and things I didn't want to think about.

I'm now starting my 7th month. I don't blog much about my pregnancy even on my public blog.... I don't know why, exactly. This has been a difficult pregnancy for me. I'm so thrilled, and yet, cautious.

I've been quite sick this time around. The morning sickness lasted longer than with my other pregnancies, I had a few horrible colds and then the flu late in the winter. Several times, I thought, this baby sure isn't getting a very good start, especially with the different medications I had to take for everything. Then I had such awful round ligament and groin pain I could hardly stand it. I developed an umbilical hernia which is quite tender most of the time. Most recently, I've developed sciatica. I've had difficulty walking from my bed to the bathroom. The only relief coming with laying completely flat or standing and never sitting down. I saw a chiropractor on Friday, so this weekend has been much better. But the whole time, our little girl kicks and rolls and reassures me that she's fine. We've named her Anna Elise. And unless she decides to arrive early, she's scheduled to be delivered by c-section on July 1.

When I'm here writing, I feel even more cautious in my excitement. My children often ask me if she's doing ok, and pray that she'll stay healthy. I reassure them that everything is fine and call them to feel my tummy when she's active. And yet, I know there are no promises. I can't dwell on what "might" happen, but allow hope to remain strong and trust my Heavenly Father to take care of all of us.